Times of Lost and Found
- Ellyn Dickmann
- 18 hours ago
- 2 min read
Barn's burnt down. Now I can see the Moon.
Masahide
I fell in love with this Masahide quote almost immediately. I was in therapy, struggling to find some light, understand how to actually believe in it, and then carry it within me. My son, Matthew, had died suddenly; his stepfather had left our marriage. I was surviving in the dark.
I copied the picture and short quote and gave it to my therapist during our next meeting. I realized this place - where light rises to replace no light - was where I just might regain the ability to authentically smile again. I wanted her to know I was ready to be found, rather than remain lost.
Those of you who follow me know that I’m a woman who loves metaphors. The destroyed barn and rising moon were perfect symbols for gaining unexpected insight . . . well, at least for me they were. And maybe they can work for you too.
Barns are generally large, looming structures with spaces to hold lots of stuff. They are as much about possible shelter as about a place where piles of various items, once thought necessary and important, can be stored and forgotten, where dust collects, and dark corners abide. You can get lost there. I was.
And then there’s the rising moon . . . a beautiful sight, illuminating the darkening sky on its way up. Its presence signaling the day we’ve been living is giving way to another opportunity . . . another chapter. You can see more clearly in that light. That became my plan for finding myself again.
I finally realize that Matt must have been at my side, moving me gently toward this picture’s message, asking me to take it in, and believe in the possibility of the light ahead. Finally, I struck a match, grabbed a few precious memories and some hope, dropped the match in a pile of grief, and walked away as the barn began to burn.
If you’re ready to torch some darker corners that hold you lost, take some time to walk outside as the day darkens. Watch the rising moon for a better view of the possible.
In hope,
Jane
Since my barn burned down
I now own a better view
Of the rising moon
Haiku by Mizuta Masahide
17th century Japanese poet and samurai
My barn burned in Novemeber when I visited my parents' gravesit for the first time since their deaths. Overcome with great affection and grief, I dropped to my knees and wept for the loss of the friends I'd known all my life. What a gift. All forgiven. I found new love for parents who were grounded in the the 19th century, but raised children in the mid 20th. Never my friends in life, but my dearest now.
Beautiful Jane as always, I keep thinking one day I will get there. Shelbie
Such a beautiful full moon night. Your words, as always, inspire me.
I saw the beautiful moon as I drove home this evening. Then I read your blog, Jane.
Now I feel a little more hopeful.
Thank you, Liz