I was told something I didn't want to hear a few days ago. I was with a woman I trust and admire who looked me in the eye and told me it was time for me to be brave. "Dang! "- I heard myself mutter," I thought I was kind of brave." I walked away from our time together, found a quiet space and decided to unpack all I had heard. And I've come to believe that she is right.
After finishing Letters for Grace, doing some of the work of publishing, trying to understand and accomplish some marketing and navigating lots of conversations about the book with friends, family and new acquaintances, I have to admit to taking some giant steps backward - into myself. I am tired. Growing as a person is hard work! The introvert who needs space and quiet to recover took over and I let it happen - I welcomed it! And by doing that, over time I placed myself back in the same maze of grey space where I was living before I published my book. Looking down, I put one foot in front of the other, traveling within a life that is a known commodity, stable and secure, with no new personal risks, no time for new people, new relationships in my life.
I just checked in my thesaurus for some descriptive synonyms for brave to help me chart a new personal course. Here are a few - when you next see me, am I plucky, or fearless or courageous as I try again to live into the person who wrote about resurrecting herself? (In fact I hope you all appreciate that I'm doing something right now I am very uncomfortable with - being vulnerable about my personal life. I hope that seems brave to you, because it is, really - at least if you are in my head!) I'm looking toward practicing pluckiness! Bring on those new relationships! Talk about those new places you want me to go with you! Lets meet together for conversations about the book, or writing, or . . . whatever . . . and bring a friend.